The Transcendentalists were Flip-Floppers

So, I was flipping through some of Ralph Waldo's Essays the other day, and while perusing "Self-Reliance," I ran across these famous lines:

• A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall. Speak what you think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day. — 'Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood.' — Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood.

Maybe this is "too liberal," or perhaps "too intellectual," but for my money, Emerson hits it right on the money.

• The voyage of the best ship is a zigzag line of a hundred tacks. See the line from a sufficient distance, and it straightens itself to the average tendency. Your genuine action will explain itself, and will explain your other genuine actions.

It's always better to have sincere taste than good taste; I have the convictions of my own bad taste. I thought "Lancelot Link: Secret Chimp" was a brilliant parody, and I sincerely enjoy watching "Cannonball Run" when the mood strikes. I don't know about you, but if I could never go back and make amends for any possible mistakes I may have made, I don't think I could even act in the first place. That I might be wrong cannot keep me from doing what I believe to be right.

Are you listening, John Kerry? So what if you're called a flip-flopper, as if Bush himself isn't a flip-flopper? How about that "America is not in the business of nation-building" crap that he flung all over Gore? How about that "No Child Left Behind" crap? Seems to me, lowly teacher that I am, that if you truly don't want to leave any kids behind, you might want to continue funding schools.

Jesus H. Monahan, I'd vote for a dung-flinging monkey sooner than I'd vote for W!

• Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string.

Are you listening, Kerry? Damn it all, is it because Ralph Waldo's a Harvard man? Fuck Yale, fuck Skull and Bones, listen to the wisdom that you know inside to be true! Are you afraid to upset the apple cart? Well how about this little tidbit from another cart tipper:

• ...and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to foment open rebellion like my man Tommy Jeff, but don't let us suffer under this petty tyrant, King George, any longer! ATTACK! ATTACK! Lay on, Macduff, And damn'd be him that first cries, “Hold, enough!”

Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong. Maybe I shouldn't post this....

Newsflash: "Hero" No Speakee Ingrish!

So last night, my dear wife and I decide to spend a childless evening at the movies. When we first saw the promos for "Hero," we both agreed that it was a must-see. My lovely wife is into martial arts, and I'm for good movie making whatever the genre, so we went to the DFW's newest Movie Megalopolis at a mall just the other side of the LBJ freeway. That's where we saw the sign:

"Hero is spoken in Mandarin Chinese with English Subtitles."

And your point is? Hey, Sherlock, it's a Chinese movie. I rank that warning right up there with the warnings on the side of Dr. Pepper bottles that say, "Contents under pressure. Open away from face." So I point out the sign to my wife, and we titter politely and make brief snotty comments about the quality of education in the 972 area code, and that would have been it but for the ticket monger at the window.

"Uh, you know that this movie is in Chinese, right? With English subtitles...?"

"It's okay," I reply. "I can read English."

"Well, I just had to check. Some people have asked for their money back. Enjoy the show."

Now aside from the fact that I wish I had said something wittier, or perhaps even had exploded into some kind of intellectual hissy-fit, I am still at something of a loss for words for what I think has happened to America. We have out-legislated Darwinism. What ever happened to "that which does not kill us makes us stronger?" We actually have a public service announcement campaign here in Dallas (it's probably Texas-wide) that reminds people to CHECK FOR THEIR CHILDREN AS THEY EXIT THEIR VEHICLE. In my perfect world, under my rule, if you can't remember that the fruit of your loins is in the backseat as you pop in to the 7-Eleven for a pack of Parliaments, you not only surrender your right to watch foreign movies, you move to the front of the "take one for the gene pool" line.

Later that evening, our Eastern Entertainment theme took us to Benihanna's where I was again confronted with the lowest common denominator. The birthday party at the hibachi across from us was comprised of overweight ladies who'd been hitting the froo-froo drinks a little too hard. 1) They referred to the Japanese waiter as "the chinaman." 2) The birthday cow referred to the geisha-shaped souvenir mug as her "Buddha glass." And 3) one of them had brought along her pre-teen daughter, thus ensuring that at least one more generation will be brought up with the belief that getting stupid in public is acceptable behavior. Truly, someone needs to drop a chlorine tablet into the gene pool and kick start the filter.

"Hero," by the way, is an outstanding movie, even if the fight scene between the two chicks did remind me of a Bjork video. Think Rashamon meets Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. With an athletic, sword-wielding Bjork.

Run Down Violence 5K

I did something positive this evening. I participated in a fun run with my wife and daughter to raise money for good cause.

http://www.barkingdogs.org/html/082004_rundownviolence5k.shtml

Over 1500 people participated, many making significant donations to the Cunniff family. There are a bunch of different stories of what happened; I was told that Mr. Cunniff, while at a bar concert with his daughters, said something to some skinheads when they flicked a cigarette at a black guy, and they turned their tiny-pecker-based rage on him and gave him a stomp down. In front of his daughters. Yeah.

I fuckin' hate skinheads. The dumb fucks should all be trussed up, stuffed in canvas bags, and drowned like kittens.

Anyway, Mr. Cunniff is actually doing better. He was at the event this evening in a wheelchair, and everyone was happy to see him. People turned out from all over for this thing. Local boy Owen Wilson was there. Lots of local restaurants and businesses donated food and prizes. Most importanly, a good deal of money was raised to help the Cunniff family (his medical insurance had been recently cancelled, and he's been staying in the hospital since it happened). I was really happy to have taken a small part in standing up against violence.

If anyone reading this wants to send something, hit the link above, read the story, and the address is there.