Is it just me...

...or does it make defense attorneys cringe when their clients dress like Boris Badenov?

Pro Evo Shenanigans? (WTFx10 to 10th power)

I recieved a shrink-wrapped book in the mail today called ProEvo: Pro Evolution--Guideline for an Age of Joy. It is a pseudo-mystical conglomeration of evolution and Eastern religion as far as I can tell.

Okay, two things about this really wig me out:

1. Out of the blue I received this book in the mail, and I have no idea why.
2. The only related web sites that I can find are in German or are reprints of salient portions of the book or both.

There is an "Ask MetaFilter" list-serv thing asking the Internet community-at-large if anyone has received this book, and why, but there isn't much out there. The main web-site is at www.proevo.ch (and you can apparently get it translated through Babelfish.altavista.com).

The back cover lists a number of endorsements; here are the names verbatim from the back of the book:

• Prof. Dr. L.K., world-famous scientist
• Dr. W.S., university professor
• P.H. Chinese scientist
• A large country's institution for press, books, films, television and radio
• Dr. J.H., university professor
• Dr. H.D.W., physics
• Dr. B.M.S., university professor

The intials are not mine, that's what is actually printed on the back cover. The endorsement lines themselves are pure fluff such as, "The book is great," but the last one by BMS says, "I will give the book to my friends, enemies and politicians."

Which one am I?

Welcome to iHeck

No, not iHell; iHell is as bad as it could get. I'm in iHeck: things could be worse.

I have mislaid my iPod earphones. Yes, I know that ANY earphones will work, but I found that I liked the ones it came with both of the times I used them.

And there is no simple replacement option for the ubiquitous white headphones. The cheapest set that the Apple store offers is $39.00 (yes, thirty-nine American dollars). They come with some kind of remote control adapter so that you can listen to the radio on your iPod. You know, because, like, they don't give away self-contained personal radios at the ballpark. (With all due respect, Mr. Jobs, I got the fucking iPod so I WOULDN'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO THE LOCAL RADIO FARE.)

The next replacement-head-phone option is a forty-nine dollar set of earspeakers. Ear speakers. Small, self-contained speakers that fit in your ear. And they come with three sets of form-fitting collars (small, medium, and large) so that they will fit properly in your ear.

The prices of the other "after-market" headphones ranged from $29 to $159.00 at the Apple store, so I figured that I could probably do better just to suck it up and buy a simple pair of fucking headphones locally. I went to http://www.bestbuy.com/ which was no better than the Apple store, really. Cheap ones are five bucks, decent ones are no less than ten. I did learn that one can purchase a $499.99 pair of earbuds. Four-hundred and ninety-nine dollars and ninety nine cents. Though I wouldn't expect filet mignon every time I listened to my iPod with five-hundred-dollar earphones, I better at least get a hand-job from a young woman I don't know well every goddamn time.

Thus, I continue my search for my original earbuds, ever hopeful that one of my students didn't swipe them, ever hopeful that maybe this time they will turn up in my coat pocket. If anyone has an extra unused set from, say, an extra iPod shuffle that Santa stuck in your stocking, please feel free to drop me a line. I'll pay for shipping.

And a steak.

Dept. of "Kick Them While They Are Down"

It wasn't enough for the University of Alabama (my alma mater) to narrowly defeat Texas Tech in the Cotton Bowl, now they done stole the best dang quarterback recruit in Texas.

http://footballrecruiting.rivals.com/

Greg McElroy is the quarterback phenom from Southlake-Carroll who WAS going to Lubbock, but is now going to Tuscaloosa.

Yeah, that's right. Get your guns in the air, then say, "Roll Tide," muthafuckaaaaa.

(That last little bit was for the inbred redneck ass-rapist that chucked a glass beer bottle in disgust from the upper deck at the Cotton Bowl and hit my dad in the shoulder.)

Some Phobias (not necessarily mine)

Some of these don't necessarily seem all that wrong, like algophobia: a fear of pain...

• maniaphobia: fear of insanity
• erythrophobia: fear of red lights or blushing
• erotophobia: fear of sexual love
• dystychiphobia: fear of accidents
• cynophobia: fear of dogs
• lyssophobia: fear of rabies
• hypengyophobia: fear of responsibility
• iophobia: fear of being poisoned
• macrophobia: fear of long waits
• lygophobia: fear of darkness
• maieusiophobia: fear of childbirth
• tocophobia: fear of pregnancy or childbirth
• mysophobia: fear of dirt or contamination; having a compulsion to wash one's hands
• nebulaphobia: fear of fog
• pantophobia: fear of everything; cowardice
• rhabdophobia: fear of being punished or severely criticized
• stygophobia: fear of Hell
• taphephobia: fear of being buried alive; fear of cemeteries (as opposed to taphophilia: a love of funerals)
• theophobia: fear of gods
• brontophobia: fear of thunderstorms
• tonitrophobia: fear of thunder
• verbophobia: fear of words
• xylophobia: fear of wooden objects; fear of forests
• climacophobia: fear of falling down stairs
• cherophobia: fear of gaiety
• anuptaphobia: fear of staying single
• amaxophobia: fear of riding in a car

...and my personal fave-rave of the moment:

• teutophobia: fear of Germans or German things

Monsters We Need to Resurrect

A good friend of mine, Captain Bill Pescena (aka Billbo of the Nine Fingers) gave me an interesting book today; it is a dictionary of rarely used and/or obscure words. In it I discovered two very interesting creatures that are sorely in need of resurrection:

• The Bicorne: a medieval monster grown fat by feeding on patient husbands.
• The Chichevache: an incredibly skinny medieval monster that feeds solely on patient wives.

Mrs. Bosch informs us that neither of these creatures feeds at our house, and I have to agree. No, really, I have to.

Byrne, Josefa Heifetz. Mrs. Byrne's Dictionary of Unusual, Obscure, and Preposterous Words. Secaucus: Citadel Press and University Books, 1974.