Math Joke

A successful, aging businessman leaves the following note on the dining room table for his wife:

Darling,
I know that we have have a wonderfully open and trusting marriage together, and that I am still very much in love with you; however, we have come to a point in our lives as a couple where you as a 54 year old woman cannot satisfy all of my male physical needs. Therefore, I will be spending the remainder of the evening at the Comfort Inn with my 18 year old executive assistant. I am sure that you will appreciate my honesty and forthrightness in this matter. I will be home shortly after midnight.

When he arrived home, he found the following response written on the back of his original note:

My loving husband,
Thank you for note alearting me to your evening's plans. After reading your message, I went ahead and made plans for my evening as well. Since I teach math at the local community college, it was not very difficult for me to find my own 18 year old student to spend the evening with me at the Doubletree. As you, too, are 54 years old and have used math throughout your business career, you will note that we are on essentially a level field with one exception: 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18, therefore I will not be home until some time tomorrow night at the earliest.

Dispatch from Manassas Junction 4

Unfortunately for me, I don't know everyone's name in this photo, but this is our company waiting to march out Sunday afternoon. Missing from the back row are Fred Yokubaitis, "Hi-Fi Mike" Corso, and Bill "Bucket" Graswich. Fred and Mike were fetching water, and Bill was "elsewhere" at the time. Captain George Hatcher is three men to the left of me (light gray battle shirt, leaning on a sword), Sgt. Tudd Dean is mostly obscured by Cpl. Holloway(?), Wes Crisp is behind the tall guy named Jeff, John Feldt is behind Jeff, Louis is next behind me, then Scott Corso and Gary Booker, then some very friendly guys from the 37th NC, and the last two on the right are Anthony McShane and Cpl. Tyler Dean. Private Bucket, to his credit, did eventually find us on the field just before we marched into battle.

Dispatch from Manassas Junction 3

Look yonder at ye general, standing like a stone wall (or something to that effect). The guy in the center cuts a very fair (and intentional) impression of Thomas Jackson--better even than the fellow in "GaG" (Gods and Generals).

You've heard of a herd of cattle, a flock of geese, a bevy of beauties, a murder of crows? To the right of the picture you can see a confusion of officers.

Dispatch from Manassas Junction 2

This is the reserve Confederate battle line. The main force is on the other side of the hill that the line of battle faces. Behind the camera is a couple of hundred more soldiers in line. There were a goodly number of people there, and the Cornfederate to Federal ratio was allegedly 60/40 for the event. Fred (in the foreground) has some strange spots on his hat.

Dispatch from Manassas Junction 1

Some guys from the 9th Texas fell in with the 37th North Carolina at the 145th Anniversary Reenactment of First Manassas/First Bull Run. Standing L-R John Feldt, Gary Booker, Wesley Crisp, Scott Corso, Fred Yokubaitis, Me, New Guy, Fred's friend Jeff. Kneeling L-R Bill Graswich, Mike Corso, Anthony McShane. Behind us, just behind the tree line, is Cedar Creek where we dipped our feet and drank beer after the horrors of warfare. It was quite nice.

Recently Declassified

Heh. This just forwarded to me in an email:

Here is the recently discovered photo of the top-secret fighter the U.S. used during WWII. This fighter is the real reason we beat the Jap Navy. It is speculated the U.S. Navy did not share this technology with the Army Air Corps in the European theater because they didn’t want to risk one falling into the hands of the Germans: a technologically superior country to Japan (THEY might have actually figured out how to fly it).

Goodnight, Doll

Mickey Spillane, dead at age 88. I suspect foul play, if only for old times' sake.

http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=227868&GT1=7703

The Return of the Midget

According to the AP wire, China's oldest car manufacturer, Nanjing Automobile Corp., is planning to revive the MG and open a plant in Oklahoma. This is apparently good news for Oklahoma as less than a year ago GM closed its plant. Full story here:
http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/M/MG_PLANT?SITE=DCUSN&SECTION=BUSINESS&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

I, for One, Would Like to be a Millionaire

So I went to the auditions for "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" yesterday in Ft. Worth at the Bass Performance Hall. Allow me to express first my firm belief that the Bass Performance Hall would be SOOOOOO much prettier if it hadn't been decorated by a French aristocrat during the reign of Louis XVI. Snarkiness aside, I proceed:

The auditions began at 9:00am, so that's when I arrived. I knew there would be a line, but I had no idea that the line would wrap around the block. In fact, it wound around the entire block, turned back on itself, went back down the block, crossed the street, went down the next block, and turned the corner again. Fortunately, I got there when it was on the fourth side of the building.

Met a lady named Dina who stood next to me in line with another, much weirder lady named Mary. Somewhere around 11:00, with the temperature rapidly nearing 100 degrees, we turned the corner onto the shadeless side. It only occured to me when we were already halfway down the block to go get my golf umbrella out of my car. That made things much more bearable, and also attracted the attention of the local press.

The above picture is from today's issue of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, second section or whatever the "local" section is. I haven't actually gone to the store to get a physical paper yet, but the story can be found here:
http://www.dfw.com/mld/dfw/entertainment/special_packages/encore/15028304.htm

They were giving the test for the movie version of the show and for the regular version of the show. I took both tests, but the chick flick questions killed me. For example, Scarlett O'Hara's real name was Katie. I got that one right, apparently, on a wild-assed guess. I missed the question about from what musical did Harry and Sally sing a duet (it's Oklahoma!). There were some others that I blew as well, so I did not pass the movie test.

An aside: as we waited for the assistants (flunkies) to collect the tests and answer sheets for the movie version, a gentleman very fervently demanded an answer to a burning question. I thought he wanted one of the answers, so I turned and looked. He said something about following the producer's directions to the letter, and so when he removed the test questions from the envelope, he started with the questions on the top page. He started with number 16. On a scantron answer sheet. There was an awkward pause, then the producer asked, "Did you put number 16 on answer bubble 16?" Apparently not. The room started buzzing at that point, people all around us (the guy was only one row back and maybe six people over from me) started making jokes, and Dina next to me said, "If you can't figure out how to answer the questions in order, you probably shouldn't be on the show." I suggested that maybe we shouldn't say things like that so loud since grown men that look like him often have access to firearms if they aren't actually carrying one on their persons. He didn't stay for the second test.

A further digression: So I'm torn. The guy stood in line for hours for his one shot at a million bucks, and he made an earnest if simple-minded mistake. Poor guy, my heart goes out to him. On the other hand, what a dumbfuck.

Anyway, I waited with bated breath for them to call out the numbers for people who passed the regular test. I felt pretty good about that one, even if I didn't know that coulrophobia is the fear of clowns. I turned to Dina and said, "You know, I've been pretty smug all along. I don't know how I'm going to handle it if I don't pass this thing." We were all confident but nervous. Dina was 81, I was 82, and Mary was 83. The producer had only called something like 5 for 6 passers for the movie test. Number-sixteen-guy was evidently par for our group. He called number 83 next to last, and he only called about 15 out of 200 in our group.

The assistants ushered us upstairs in a restricted elevator to the green room for the Hall. This is where we had our polaroid photos taken, and were interviewed briefly by other producers of the show. The guy spoke to some of the people for a few minutes, and for others for what seemed like seconds. Finally, he called my name and asked me the dreaded, "Why did you go into teaching" question. (I hate that question; my answer is not a simple one, and I have yet to encapsulate it for just such an occasion.) We spoke for a moment or so. I'll find out within the next two weeks or so by postcard if I made it into the contestant pool or not.

And thus my saga is complete.

Reason #433 Why I No Longer Play RPG's

Occasionally, maybe once every three fiscal quarters, I get the urge to play a role-playing game. Usually this occurs when I wander into a comics and games store, and I see one of a kajillion GURPS books on a rack or a shelf. To tell the truth, I don't even know why I go in these places. Nostalgia, perhaps.

The last time I played a RPG was when I lived in Nashvegas, TN. My friends (who ran a comics and games store) would come over for FAG Night. Fantasy Adventure Gaming Night. We eventually changed the name to Poker Night as it was easier to say out loud in a bar.

Anyway, cruising the net, looking at other people's blogs, I discovered this: http://geographic.net/gurps/hotheavy/having_sex

Yep. Rules for how to have RPG sex. Twelve-year-old boys and college-aged nerds everywhere can now have sex the safe way: with dice.

Boussh and Hadley

For whatever reason, my daughter really connected with this person.

There was a particularly scary man in an Emperor's Royal Guard get-up behind and to the left of this picture. He liked to take his helmet off in a patheically apparent attempt to freak people out; he was wearing a thin ski mask with a fanged skull printed on it, and he had contact lenses that made his eyes look reptilian. He bent over, got right in Hadley's face and said, "My, but you have pretty blue eyes." Hadley looked at him and replied, "Yes, I do." Pause, turning to Mom, "I've never seen anybody that looked like that." The guy put his helmet back on.

That having been said, the woman in the Boussh outfit was very friendly, and Hadley kept trying to take her thermal detonator.

That's Mrs. Chewbacca to his Left

I am a dork; I do confess this freely. That's Mr. Peter Mayhew sitting next to me. When I walked up to the table, he looked at the shirt and said, "No, he didn't." And his wife said emphatically, "Oh yes, he did. That's the controversy. I guess we'll just have to wait until September to settle this."

I am now, more than ever, a Mayhew fan.

The Final-No-Really-I-Mean-It-This-Time-Guys Cut

Ridley Scott just can't leave a lead turd alone. According to scifi.com, Blade Runner: Final Cut will be released to video in September for four months only. It will then hit the theaters in 2007 for the 25th anniversary; the special edition dvd will follow with the "remastered director's cut of the classic SF movie Blade Runner" and the other three versions of the film (yes, Grasshopper, the original theatrical release will be on dvd).

Full story at: http://www.scifi.com/scifiwire/index.php?category=0&id=36328

Maybe I'm a barbarian for suggesting it, but I rather liked the theatrical release. The novel only suggests that Deckard is an android as an allegorical device to make us question our own actions. Are we human or merely humane? In the end, Deckard realizes the errors of his way and makes at least a fumbling attempt to be more human, to live as human as he can.

Ridley Scott decides for us in claiming that Deckard is indeed an 'andy,' and I think he misses the mark. Yes, Blade Runner is the grand-daddy of all cyberpunk. Yes, it's supposed to have a more bitter ending than one would expect. But the original release's ending is not happy: Deckard and Rachel book it with the knowledge that 1) they have little time left together because her batteries are nearly run dry, and 2)Deckard will live the rest of his life stuck on the post-nucular hellhole that the Earth has become as an outlaw.

But gee, Mr. Bosch, doesn't the fact that they will be together suggest that it's a Romantic kissy kissy "you had me at Voigt-Kampf" ending? Like a cyberBonnie and Clyde, they'll burn their double-ended candle in the wind until the man shoots them down?

No. It's a Pyrrhic victory at best, and that's what makes it cyberpunk. It's Gaff saying, "Hey, Deckard, you have fun poking Teddy Ruxpin for a couple of years, but don't bother coming back because you're dead to me." It's Deckard replying, "Well, at least I won't put any more holes in my soul this way." That's the way this thing should end.

It's worth noting here that the one of the many drafts of this screenplay had a final shot of Deckard looking in his rearview mirror at Gaff's squadcar closing in. At least that would have helped the movie make some kind of sense. Maybe if Scott had actually read the book....

Hadley's Third Birthday on the Fourth

This is my daughter, Hadley, at the Park Cities 4th of July Parade. She wanted to be Snow White for her birthday, and her eyes near-about exploded out of her head when we gave her the dress. It was money well spent.