I've Got to Save the World... of Warcraft

Yeah, I took the plunge on a lark. Now I'm a 10th level Dwarven Warrior named "Thurgood."



This is not actually my guy. My guy has a samurai top-knot and a red beard. My guy uses an axe, too.

So your next questions may be:

1. How much time have you spent on this game so far?
2. Are you on a pvp server or one of those wussie "role-playing" servers?
3. Which of those wussie "role-playing" servers are you on?

And my answers would be:

1. Nunya.
2. Sigh. You got me. I'm on a role-playing server, but my reason is simple: I don't want to be schooled by a 10-yr-old kid, or a naked fatman calling himself Princess Starlightta.
3. I'm on the Fast Riders server. At least, that's what I think it's called.

Happy New Year. BCNU.

Pro-Evo Two Years Later

Okay, maybe not exactly two years; it's been more like one year and almost 11 months, but hey-ho-let's-go...

So, nearly two years later, and my original post is still getting comments. I can't figure out what our common denominator is--most likely a marketer's email list. Unfortunately, I no longer have my copy as I loaned it to a student who never gave it back. For that matter, I also loaned him some Ayn Rand nonsense that I DO NOT WANT BACK, so I guess it all comes clean in the wash.

Hey, are any you all who keep receiving this stuff on either the Randroids' or the Scientologists' mailing lists?

Humor at the Expense of my Alma Mater

If you don't follow college foosball, then you might not know that the University of Alabama is supposed to be going to the Weedeater Bowl in Shreveport, or something like that. Not that we deserved going to anything better than the Tidy Bowl, mind you. Nonetheless, someone with a good sense of humor and too much money on his hands erected a billboard that says, "Rolled," and has the score of the Alabama-Lousiana Monroe game. This billboard is right next to the stadium where doubtless it will be seen by many a Bama fan. I hope it fires up the team to win this one.

However, the billboard may be all for nought! There is the strong possibility that Alabama will not be able to get to the bowl game in Shreveport. Yes, apparently the Tide's busses can't get past Monroe either.

Ave Ursa. Roll damned Tide.

Zouave!

Pictures from the 2007 Plantation Liendo Civil War Living History Event. They feature a damned handsome zouave, if I say so myself.

Nineteenth century warfare: it's my genre.

Roll Damn Tide

All I've got to say about the Arkansas game: whew.

Interesting statistic: Tuscaloosa's population as of 2006 is a little over 83,000 people, making it the 5th largest city in Alabama. Bryant-Denny Stadium holds 92,000 people, making Tuscaloosa, on game-day, the fourth largest city in Alabama.

Roll Tide.

What kind of bees give milk?

Boo-bies!

Okay, really. This is supposed to be a news story? I clicked on it not because I'm not above a second glance at a good set of life-sustaining mammary glands; rather, I clicked on "Exercise unleashes a bounce bras can't handle" because I figured that this had to be some kind of stealth ad for jog-bras.

No, it's real. Someone in England apparently found it absolutely stunning that during exercise, every woman's mammalian protuberances will--get this--bounce. They even went so far as to hook up biometric devices to measure the amount and pattern.

And just in case you fear to click the above link for fear of juggling jubblies on your work screen, allow me to quote the caption, "Study scientist Joanna Scurr records measurements as a participant runs on a treadmill. Eight sensors on her body revealed her breasts moved in a figure-8 pattern." (Credit: University of Portsmouth. Emphasis mine.)

MSNBC, you suck.

Dear Anonymous,

Please tell Miss MD that I wish her the best. This truly is a very small world. Oddly enough, if you talk to a law librarian named Anne at your distinguished university, she and her husband are dear friends of mine.

I hope I have been sufficiently vague.
-A. Bosch

Belated Book Review

I picked this up at a friend named Lance's suggestion, looking for something new now that I've read almost everything Dashiell Hammett has written. Yes, I realize this has been out since 2001, but I read "Neverwhere" a while back, and I was really disappointed.

Not so with this one.

Damn, this one's good. Not sure if I'm going to sit through "Anansi Boys," but this one has really got me going through the old college library. In fact, I think I'm going to go pick up a copy of "Hero with a Thousand Faces" post haste. This book had me pulling out Hamilton's "Mythology" and the encyclopedic set of "Man, Myth, and Magic," and I'm not entirely sure I kept up with all of the references.

Let me put it this way: I've been making obscure references to Norse mythos for the last three days now. In fact, I really geeked out when a young girl on exchange from Germany named Freya enrolled in one of my classes. Sure, it's not as cool as the year I had an Ulisses, a Nestor, and a Molly all in one class, but how often does one have the fairest of the Vanir attending one's every word?

Anyway, I'm moving on to the new William Gibson novel. Here's hoping it's not another "Pattern Recognition."

One-Liners Overheard While Hunting

• You can't drink all day unless you start in the morning.
  
• Boy, he was madder than a captured Jap. (Dont' remember the context, just thought it was a really funny phrase.)
  
• How do you put the magazine restrictor in this thing? (Uttered to a game warden while holding an over-and-under shotgun.)
• If the birds were always there and easy to hit, it wouldn't be hunting; it would be shopping.
• Wait--is the limit 12 or 15? (Asked by a fellow with 19 doves.)
• If you buy your girlfriend a license and bring her with you, your limit is 24.
• This is my wife. She's a retriever AND a bird cleaner, all in one.
• When a little girl shows up with her daddy, and she's got a .410 of her own that she's actually using to shoot birds, she's going to limit out before anyone else in the field.
• I've got three boxes of shells. If I can't get 12 birds in 75 shots, I've got other problems than low ammunition.
• It's not beer. It's aiming fluid.
• If you miss the first two shots, the third shot is just anger.
  

Death to Doves

Opening Day of Dove Season was better to me this year than it has been the last couple of years combined. We went to a VERY good outfitter near Hico, Texas called "Flying P Outdoors." These folks are, hands down, the nicest people I've met in Texas.

I did not limit out (the doves are still scarce for some reason), but I bagged two and lost one on the morning of the first, and I discovered the limits of my shotgun's range and my skill in the afternoon. (That's not entirely true: Dad and I both shot at the same bird at nearly the same time, and it went down; we counted it as an assist.)

Day Two: the morning hunt sucked. We were near some yahoos who could not tell the difference between scissor-tails, cattle birds, crows, hawks or doves, and who took pot-shots at everything that flew, dragonflies included. At least one of them had taken the restrictor out of his magazine, and was firing his semi-auto as fast as he could pull the trigger. I did not even fire my shotgun Sunday morning. The afternoon hunt, however, was fantastic.

That afternoon, after yet another great meal at the Flying P, the Senior Attorney and I adjourned to the Sporting Clays range. Great fun there slaying orange clay pidgeons. There was a fellow there named Jimmy Galindo from Houston who is an outfitter for duck hunts and a certified master instructor (I have the title wrong, but you get the idea), and he was offering pointers to the guests. I used his advice that afternoon and bagged six before the rain came. Galindo has a web-site, but I can't find it at the moment. Every time I look up permutations of his name and "Fowl Mouthed Hunter," I keep getting references to a judge in Houston. Anyway, he was a good fellow and an excellent shot to boot. Ironically, I think I learned more about coaching and instructing from him in an hour than I've learned from a degree's worth of professors, but then sometimes I deconstruct things a little too much. Suffice it to say that his style of instruction was impressive.

Anyway, to my Heathen brother I say this: you've got to come with us next year. We fully intend to go with Flying P again.

This Year's Schedule

I've been busy--very busy--these past few weeks. Here is my class schedule:

Zero Hour: AP Art History (before school, 7:50-8:40)
1st Period: AP English Language and Composition
2nd Period: Campus Instruction and Leadership Planning (CILT) Committee
3rd Period: AP English Language and Composition
4th Period: Planning
5th Period: AP English Language and Composition
6th Period: AP English Language and Composition
7th Period: AP English Language and Composition

I'm having to re-learn all of the art history. This is okay because I really like it, but I don't think I've prepared this much for a class ever, even my first year of teaching. Fortunately, the former art history teacher is kind enough to give me her lesson plans, and she has even gone so far as to extend an open invite to call her and clarify the slides. I fear that I may become annoying to her very soon.

CILT Committee means that every day I am pretty much on call 2nd period to do "department-chair-type stuff." Please read that last bit with your best Pee Wee Herman impression.

So, to you, kind anonymous contributor, that is why I have not posted in a while. I've been doing my best imitation of a one-legged cat trying to bury a turd on a hot tin roof. That having been said, please see the next post....

Notes on Disneyworld

The Bosch Family has made it there and back again. By car. With my parents. Just a day over a week. Gah.

I was beset by some random observations about the park:

• Capt. Jack Sparrow's addition to my favorite ride, "The Pirates of the Carribean," was not nearly as dreadful as I initially imagined. The animitronic Depp looks convincing, and he was added in several places that seemed organic. My only issue is that the sweepingly epic movie version of "Yo Ho a Pirate's Life for Me" has replaced the original. They only play the original version in maybe two of the "scenes" on the ride. (You can still get the original on iTunes. I did. It's worth it.)
• I miss the "20,000 Leagues" and "Mr. Toad's Wild Ride" attractions. I know they haven't been there for like more than a decade, but I really liked them.
• EPCOT sucks major donkey schlong. I'd take a stick to the face rather than go, truth be told. The food is good, I will grant, and I do like ogling the Nordic women at the Norwegian attraction in the World Showcase, but by and large, I could really do without the experience. I remember liking the future-world part as a kid, and the Imagineering stuff by Kodak has been improved since my last visit(holla back, you Figment fans). For me, EPCOT was ruined in college by my first on-my-own-no-parents visit to the park. I went with two female language majors, and we stayed on the World Showcase side of the park the entire day except for one minor foray into the Land which is the MOST boring part of EPCOT. I'm not sure I'd voluntarily go back for a month of blowjobs.
• The Safari trip in Animal Kingdom was interesting, but that was the only part that I experienced. It was only slighly less preachy about evil white guys fucking up Africa than EPCOT's Land exhibit, but I cannot give a complete account of Animal Kingdom because we left before I could actually see any of the park that I might have found interesting. Long story short, if you're going there for the animals, give your local zoo your patronage instead. In true Disney fashion, they have a wonderful menagerie, but it was nothing the Dallas Zoo didn't have. There is a new roller coaster called Mt. Everest that I had to skip, and there is a whole dinosaur themed section that I had to skip as well. Not that I'm bitter.
• I've got to harp on EPCOT again. The Sea attraction used to be kind of cool in a "I've got park hopper tickets to Disney so I can't afford to go to Sea World, too" kind of way, but with the addition of the "Finding Nemo" silliness, the Sea Base Alpha to which you are to have been transported at the end of the ride seems out of place after the playful romp to find a digital clown fish. Skip it and go see Figment.
• Disney MGM is well worth the trouble. Good blend of rides and shows, really good food. My three favorite places to eat in all of Disneyworld are all there. The first is Pizza Planet, as in Toy Story. I don't know why I like it so much, but I do. Could be its proximity to the Muppet theater. The second is a 50's nuclear family television themed restaurant where the waitresses act like your aunt, you sit at a table in what looks like June Cleaver's kitchen while old television shows and commercials play on vintage tv sets, and you get hassled for not eating your veggies. Our waitress, Aunt Elaine, looked and sounded like Hazel. She rocked my lame world. Finally, I really like the sci-fi drive in. You sit in old cars facing a huge screen that plays bad 50's sci-fi flicks. If it were darker, couples could fuck.
• It's worth noting that there is an Indiana Jones stunt show, a Muppet theater show, a Star Wars ride, the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror, and a roller coaster that goes from 0-60 in less than 3 seconds all in the Disney MGM Studios park. There is your grain of salt.
• The wife and I went to Pleasure Island while we were at Disney on our honeymoon. That was 10 years ago, and my complaint back then was that the part of Disney advertised as "for adults only" was overrun with kids. It was like mom and dad needed to get a beer and act stupid, but they couldn't ditch the kids, so they let the kids run amok while they grabbed a beer and acted stupid. Ten years later, I'm in ToonTown trying to let my kid burn off her sugar high in the "ten and under" playground area, but the place is overrun with surly high school punks. When my preschooler is being pushed down by a "kid" wearing varsity high school gear, it's a problem. This happened in MGM, too. Disney needs to find a polite way to enforce its rules. If Disney's willing to shut down a ride because one kid won't sit down, then surely they can enforce a "you can't be taller than this" policy for a playground. Furthermore, if it's going to open a dance bar, then it needs to keep the under 18 set out.

Also, the trip generated some economic observations:

• For a peak summer time frame, there really weren't that many people there. Maybe two and a half or three of the Magic Kingdom's parking lots were full, but there were at least three other lots with no cars. And even with the bus-loads of Brazilian tourists, the lines were not that bad; we never had to wait more than 10-15 minutes for a ride with or without a Fastpass.
• It is impossible to eat a meal in the Magic Kingdom for under $8/person. Note that I said "a meal" as opposed to a snack or something. Even at the restaurant "sponsored" by McDonald's, the tab for four adults and a child was $42 and change for fast-food fare. How is an average family of four supposed to afford that for more than a day? (For the record, all six of the extended Bosch family ate at a McDonald's in Lousiana this afternoon for $20.55.)
• In roughly an hour, Mrs. Bosch and I dropped nearly $300 for Disney souvenirs/gifts. I'm not bragging here; I'm actually kind of horrified. This doesn't include however much else we spent earlier on other trivial knicknacks like mouse-eared hats with embroidered names.
• What's Brazil's inflation rate? Something like 400-500% or something like that? The Brazillians we saw there had to have been filthy frickin rich to afford not only the trip but the cost of admission.

I'm all for the House of Mouse, so please don't let me be misunderstood. Disneyworld good, economy bad. We all know that theme parks are notoriously overpriced, and they have to be for a number of reasons, cost of labor and upkeep not the least of which. This all begs the question: at what point does the presitge of taking your family to the mecca of theme parks get outweighed by the economics of travelling to the middle of nowhere in Florida? My father remarked to me that he had never, in more than twenty years of visiting Disney attractions, seen the park so deserted. And the current promotion is a lu-lu. Disney is giving out free upgrades to random people such as instant Fastpasses to get on any ride at any time, and free nights to families to stay in Cinderella's castle.

I guess I'm trying to make some kind of commentary on the state of the economy, but I fear that it sounds like I'm just bitching about the cost of theme parks. Suffice it to say that I'm glad I'm home, and I'm actually glad that I'll have to go to work next week. I need the money, but who doesn't?

The Boy

For any and all interested parties, this is my boy at six months.

Colbert as Bloom

Yes, I realize that this is a little late for Bloomsday. I was on the NPR website today and saw a sidebar ad for a live Bloomsday reading here in the States. Stephen Colbert reads the part of Bloom in this four disc collection. Wow.

Oh, and apparently sidebar ads work.

Dept. of Uxorious Attention

Today, against all probability, and through no fault of my own, is the Tenth Anniversary of My Wedding. For whatever reason, this is called the Aluminum Anniversary. Mrs. Bosch and I will celebrate this evening with dinner and a movie. As changes warrant, I shall update the media.

Must Acknowledge Greatness

Homestarrunner.com rocks your lame world. Go here and play. Now.

Lest We Forget

May 1st, 2007 was the fourth anniversary of "Mission Accomplished."

Wringing out what little lemonade...

God-awful horrible stuff happened at Va. Tech today.

Most news sources seem to be talking almost exculsively to Tech students, but NPR interviewed a local man, a Mr. Cole on the custodial staff, and for a split second I felt almost as if I was at home again.

You see, I was listening to NPR on the way home. During the interview, I found that I had no problem whatsoever understading the local gentleman, but Seigel had to stop for clarification several times. For all of you who know me well, this is what my accent might have sounded like but for the grace of God.

In case I haven't said it lately, thanks, Dad, for moving me to Chicago in high school so that I could lose most of my accent, and thanks for the opportunity to add more accents to my repertoire.

News: Critics Claim Sun Too Bright, Pose Shining Ordinance

According to the Associated Press, "Critics: School had time to get kids out before tornado struck." Who the hell are these critics, and upon what planet do they reside?

Concession: Hurricanes are somewhat predictable in so far as we can warn people about their presence in advance. We had the opportunity to do something, evacuate, etc with Katrina and it didn't happen. Perhaps some officials still feel remorse about their failures to act. Nevertheless, school officials in Alabama, the people charged with the welfare of Alabama children, were warned Thursday that tornadoes were in the area and to be on the lookout. Several schools in the area closed; some did not.

BUT, tornadoes are not predictable the way hurricanes are predictable. School officials have been forced by these "critics" to offer what-if doomsday scenarios about what would have happened if the students had been hanging around outside in the parking lot when the tornado struck. And yes, students will spend all day cutting classes only to spend their free time hanging around the school--oxymoronic and insensible behavior, but they're teens, what can you do? Would they have been any safer anywhere else? Good question; the answers vary because no one has a better answer than anyone else. They were as safe at school during a severe weather watch as they were in their homes.

So, to the critics I say this: stop looking for someone to blame. It was a violent act of nature that had neither rhyme nor reason nor malice of forethought. It just happened, and no matter how sue-happy your lawyer might get, it's not anyone's fault. This is not a case of negligence on the part of engineers, nor is it malpractice on the part of school officials, nor is it the case of a government organization attempting to hide its lack of action, nor is it a case of a big company trying to save a buck by launching a product before it could be tested. There are legitimate law suits obliging people to take responsibility for their actions, but there are also frivilous suits which make foolish demands in the hope that law-abiding, responsible entities will simply settle to deflect negative public opinion.

You want someone to sue? Sue God. Sue Allah. Sue Yahweh. There are plenty of churches and temples around, and they've got cash. Sue the Wiccans if you like, but don't be surprised at the reception you may or may not receive in whatever afterlife you believe in.

Delivery Charge? For Pizza?

In the future world of Stephenson's "Snow Crash," the only thing that America does really well is pizza delivery. The Mafia takes the business over, and you get your pizza in thirty minutes or less, or the Don delivers your pizza himself. Or something like that.

Anyway, my family unit ordered a pizza from Papa John's this evening by email. Yeah, I know, like I couldn't pick up a fucking phone, right? Not entirely; if I ordered online, they would give us free cheese sticks. Whee. So we ordered a pizza from Papa John's by email. Besides, I don't want to leave the house, want to interface with humanity minimally, blah blah blah.

On the checkout page, I actually read the order to verify my choices (no, really), and that's when I noticed a line item for the Delivery Charge. It's a buck-fitty extra for some shmuck to shlep my 'za to me. I'm interested to know if this is something that Papa John's in other cities does, too, and if so, is it more expensive or less or what. I mean, the buck-fitty extra is essentially the cost of the cheese sticks, right?

Of course, I realize that I could simply order by phone from one of the excellent little shops locally, but we felt like something different, and we had a coupon... If you're in Dallas and you need good pizza, I would recommend Tony's Pizza on Northwest Highway and Easton Road. Lover's Pizza at Lover's Lane and Inwood or the one at Garland Road and Buckner are fine choices as well. You can't go wrong with Campisi's or Scalini's if you're in the Lakewood or Greenville Road areas respectively. I'm not sure if ANY of them deliver, but they are all outstanding food options.

For what it's worth, I've sent an email to the Papa himself (or his on-line comment screen), so I'll keep you updated.

Cheney Don't Shiv...

Cheney balls nasty.

Thank goodness VP Cheney doesn't have to worry about the last throes of the Iraqi insurgency while visiting Afghanistan. I mean, Afghanistan's all cleared up now, right?

(Thank you, Frank Miller, for providing obscure reference after obscure reference.)

Coulrophobia Implies Fear

According to Reuters, two circus clowns were shot and killed in Bogataby an unidentified gunman. The local plice chief was sure to point out, however, that "the killings had nothing to do with the show the victims were performing at the time of the incident."

As if it would have been perfectly fine to have shot them during a particularly bad performance.

Back to the Freaky Deaky Posts

My dad's younger brother had a grand mal seizure while at work last week. My uncle works for the telephone company in northern Virginia, so when I say "at work," I mean while driving a company truck through the Shenandoah Mountains. His truck went off the road, but it was so late that he didn't hit anyone. There was another truck following him that radioed for medical attention. He got pretty banged up, but not too seriously. Far more serious were the multiple grand mal seizures he suffered at the hospital. He hadn't eaten all day, so was it low blood sugar combined with a family history of diabetes? He hadn't had a drink in more than 24 hours, so was it an Irish-American's withdrawal? No answers yet on that front, so here's the freaky deaky part:

While he was seizing, Jeff said at one point that everything went white and glittery. He felt a rushing sensation (movement?) and saw his mother (my grandmother) and Maxine (the lady next door who was, for all intents and purposes, a second mother). They were saying something that he couldn't quite understand. More rushing sensation, and he was back on the table, coming out of the seizure.

Bullshit? He'd seen one too many "In Search Of..." episodes? If anyone else had told me that story, I'd say exactly that, but this is Uncle Jeff. Of all my family, he has always been acutely attuned to the metaphysical, though I doubt he'd ever call it that. I share many of his beliefs on the spirit world, though it has been so long since I've felt or seen anything that I'm starting to have my doubts.

That's not true; I got jacked with while I was sleeping in the officers' quarters at Fort Richardson. It's an old Indian Wars post in Jacksboro, Texas; it is rumored to be haunted. I was asleep on my bed, on top of the covers with my feet hanging off the end. I heard my roomie come in drunk and collapse on his bed on the other side of the room. I was just about to drift back off when I felt someone tickle my feet. I jumped up, pissed as all get out at being rudely awakened twice, snapped on a flashlight and shone it into the face of the other guy across the room, under the covers, drunkenly fast asleep.

Anyway, cliche as my uncle's story sounds, I believe him. If nothing else, it does give one pause.

And now a word about Elitism...

I like to call a spade a spade, so I would like to make the following disclaimers regarding Elitism and Education:

• If public education is good enough for others but not your own kind, that's elitism.
• I will send my kids to the best institutions of learning that I can.
• If I have to take a money shot of man-jam from someone's tumid, uncircumcised cock in order to send my kids to the best institutions of learning, I will pack breath mints.
• If public schools in Dallas fail to offer my kids the best educational opportunity possible (which will be likely in the case of middle school), then I will send my kids to a private school until such time as public schools offer the best educational opportunity. Is this elitist? You bet your sweet ass it is, and when Hadley and Dash are in middle school, I will not be a public school fan, but at least I'm willing to admit it.
  

Am I an elitist? Yup. And I know who the good teachers are in Dallas public schools. And I will move to make sure my kids go there. And I will sleep well at night with no guilt whatsoever.

And for the record, Gina, I sincerely wish you, your kids, and your company the very best. The world (and public schools in particular) need more people like you who want to do the right thing, even if they are nimbys.

Not in My Back Yard

So in response to the last post here, a very kind-hearted person named Gina opened her response with this:

"I'm a fan of public schools, but I don't want to send my kids there."

Doesn't "fan" imply favoritism? How can one be a fan of something without participating? Granted, hockey fans don't necessarily play hockey, baseball fans rarely play anything more strenuous than softball, and NASCAR fans do occasionally turn right, but those aren't the same thing. It's more like:

• I'm not racist; I own a color tv.
• I fully support the war in Iraq as long as there is no draft.
• Heck, yeah, I support gay marriage as long as both chicks are hot.
• I'm pro-Choice, especially since I'm male and will never actually have to make a choice.

How can anyone be a "fan" and not take part in the proceedings? Yes, I realize that you can support gay marriage without actually taking part in a gay marriage, but how can you say "I fully endorse public education even though it's not good enough for my own kids?"

In Gina's defense, she does volunteer her support public education by volunteering lesson plans on her website, but that's like saying, "Gee, I really like what you've done with your house. Here's what you should have done." I'm fortunate enough to teach in a public school where the reasonably affluent send their kids to learn right alongside the low socio-economic kids. If you really want to support your public school, send your kids to that public school, not some white-flight enclave.

And by no means should you home school. There's no better way to totally fuck up your kid socially than home schooling, excpept possibly for incest. Why does it seem like the unfortunate majority of people who home school their kids are the people that "don't play well with others?" People ask me if I have any intent to home school my children. After all, they say, you and your wife are so highly educated. Hey, guess what, we're highly educated BECAUSE we interacted with, how you say, 'hoo-mons.' And before you ask me where I get off making such broad, sweeping assertions, allow me to add that every year, when we give the TAKS (state exams) and when we offer to proctor the College Board exams, we have a group of home-schoolers show up who, to a person, all seem to possess less social skills combined than Long Duc Dong in "Sixteen Candles."

What offends me more than anything about the commentary is that clicking on Gina's name will take you to her minimalist blog, which directs you to her company's website. That's right, her thoughtful commentary is a shill for Creator Kids. I have no experience with those products; heck, they might be wonderful, but spam is spam, and that's just fucking annoying.

So Gina: No, I don't believe you are a true fan of public schools. I believe you are, at best, a fair weather friend and a nimby.

No Teacher Left Behind

This is from an email sent from the area supervisor to my principal who then forwarded it to every teacher at my school:

"Superior Leaders:
As you reflect on how you support engagement with learning through talk during the 3 Cs key roles (Collaborate, Classroom Visits and Coaching), what measurable goals do you see to determine the effectiveness of your leadership in teacher behavior change?"

I have no fucking clue what this says. I mean, I'm not illiterate; I can read the individual words, but "'Twas brillig and the slithy toves/Did gyre and gimble in the wabe" makes more sense to me than this horseshit. Furthermore, why did my principal send it to all of us? Isn't this a message to the campus leader? My area supervisor and principal are nice people, and they are intelligent, but their communications are not intelligible.

This is why public schools suck. While I'm at it: I've said it before, so I'll say it again, No Child Left Behind is sleight of hand on the Bush Administration's part to make all public schools so bad that vouchers will seem like a good idea.

What's that? Vouchers were the sainted Milton Friedman's idea? Yeah? Well fuck him and his economic policies. He's dead and I'm competing with gang recruiters for attention. NCLB mandates that the only people who can switch schools to a "good" school are the worst students, or, in other words, the ones that made their home schools "bad" schools. So, we set an unrealistic goal ("All" kids will go to college, even the ones who have no desire to do so), then we set unrealistic passing scores ("Every" kid will pass a state test, even the illegal alien retards), and then we only fund the failing schools so that the passing schools can't afford to keep up with the massive influx of dumbshits, and to top it all off, we will federally mandate that passing schools MUST take the dumbshits. So yeah, fuck Milton Friedman's corpse or pile of ashes, whichever he opted for.

(Sorry for the bitterness. I'm not drunk, though that would have probably been my excuse about ten years ago. My friend and co-worker, Joe Paradis, died this morning of cancer. He was a couple of years from retirement, and I didn't get a chance to say good-bye. Joe liked a good conspiracy theory as much as the next English teacher, so this rant's for him. If nothing else, there aren't memos in Heaven.)